thoughts on grief. 6 years later.

Grief catches us at the most unexpected moments.   It’s not always the day and moment in which our loved one left us, but the days before and after the loss that haunt us the most.  The surrounding moments and hours and days and months are somehow the hardest because we remember everything we didn’t get to say or the circumstances in our lives that followed.   The anniversary of a passing will come and go in a few days, just as the day did when they left us. The truth is that the moment of death is peaceful and sacred.    Death is the easy part. It’s everything that surrounds death that causes our grief.

Fish Soup-An Oral History Project at Mount Holyoke College

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to participate in an oral history project at my alma mater, Mount Holyoke College.  The project has been in existence since 2009 and it very similar to Story Corps, another oral history project that has been recording the stories of Americans since 2003.  Story Corps recordings can be heard every week on National Public Radio.  I went to New York in January 2010 to record the story of my genealogy journey for Story Corps.

The Fish Soup project at my college was launched in an effort to explore the culture of Mount Holyoke College through oral history.  It is also an opportunity for students to develop cross-cultural awareness.

"One of the goals of the Fish Soup project is to encourage students to reflect on the meaning of “culture” and then to explore the cultures of the Mount Holyoke College community through recording and sharing stories about their lives at and before MHC. By participating in the project both as interviewers and interviewees, students can grow in their cross-cultural understanding and self-awareness. (Fish Soup, Mount Holyoke College)

I decided to share one of my blog posts from La Mia Famiglia for my story.  When I finished my recording, they gave me a copy of the story and I uploaded it here as a podcast for you all to hear.  I have not edited anything, so there are a few sounds in the background that might catch your attention.  Enjoy the podcast and ignore the noises!

I'm Ancestor Approved

It was so nice to receive an award from Amore e Sapore di Famiglia. It took me a while to accept my award and fulfill my obligations, but here I am. In order to accept this award, I/you must do the following:

• List ten things you have learned about any of your ancestors that has surprised, humbled, or enlightened you”

• Pass the award along to ten other bloggers who you feel are doing their ancestors proud.

Here are my 10 blog nominations. Not all of them are "genealogy" blogs, but I know that the bloggers' ancestors and deceased loved ones would be very proud of their writing.

Bleeding Espresso

My Bella Vita

Geneabloggers

Calabrisella Mia

13 Hours in a Car with Mom

Olive Tree Genealogy Blog

Nonna's House

Ancestors at Rest

Greta's Genealogy Blog

Family History Is the Lie Commonly Agreed Upon

My List

1. I was surprised to learn that my grandmother, Antoinette Picione, was detained at Ellis Island when she arrived to New York in August of 1921.
2. I didn’t think that I had any living relatives in Curinga, Calabria, and to my surprise, I discovered my second cousin during my trip to Italy in October 2009. Maria died only one month after I returned to the United States. Maria Orlando, RIP: 1924-2009.
3. I was surprised to see that my great-grandparents (Bruno and Maria) had many of their children in their late 30s and early 40s. I thought that was a trend of this generation, but it happened to in the 1870s too!
   
4. I was surprised to see that my great aunt, Rosa Orlando, had two children between 1915-1924 and she never got married. Maria Orlando was her only surviving daughter.
5. I was humbled to see that my grandfather, Carmelo Orlando, lived in a one-room house made of stone on Garibaldi St. in Curinga, Italy.
6. I was enlightened to learn that my grandfather, Carmelo, played the accordion.
7. I was surprised to learn that my uncle Bruno made a trip to Curinga in the 1950s and met my cousin Maria, and no one in the family ever knew about this secret!
8. I was enlightened by the intense feeling of wholeness I experienced after making that trip to Italy in October 2009. It was as if a piece of my soul had been recuperated during that journey.
9. I am enlightened by the love I feel for my deceased grandfather, Carmelo. This love is so strong that it proves to me that no matter if a person is living or dead, love never dies. In my case, having never met my grandfather, this intense love is even more poignant because I have no picture, no memories, just the artifacts, documents, and the memories of my trip I took to Curinga in order to honor his life.
10. I was humbled by the beautiful treatment I received from the remaining Orlando family who still resides in the town of Curinga. Even though we were not able to figure out how my grandfather was related to their ancestors, we had a very beautiful experience together, researching our family trees and putting together more pieces of this amazing genealogical puzzle.
    

Jennifer's Video Update (in Italiano!) - April 25, 2010

March 14th

In case some of you were still wondering why I am so drawn to Spanish-speaking cultures, I have an answer for you: I was conceived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I have no Spanish or Latin American blood, as far as I am aware of, but many people who know me say, “You seem more “latina” than North American. For what it’s worth, I like to use the story of my parents’ trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico in June of 1969 as the reason for who I am today.
It is actually true that I was conceived on the island of Boriquen. I only learned this piece of information after my mother had passed away when I found a letter she had written to my dad’s mother. In the letter, she asked grandma to say a prayer for her because she was going to San Juan to see if she could get pregnant with my dad. I looked at the date on the letter, did the math, and yes, it worked out that I would have been conceived right around the time they took that trip.
It struck me as funny that my parents would have to take a trip to San Juan to make a baby. Couldn’t they just get frisky in Chicopee, Massachusetts? I do understand the reason for the trip though. My mom told me that after she lost her first child in April of 1968, she had a hard time getting pregnant, hence the trip to a warm tropical climate in the Caribbean to make a baby.
I love San Juan. I couldn’t explain to you why I felt so at home there when I took my first trip in February 2006, but it makes sense to me now. That trip altered my views on how other cultures approach life and death. I was there at the time that Ray Barretto passed away and I had the chance to witness a full-day musical celebration of his life in Old San Juan. Before that experience, I had only seen the somber side: the wake, funeral, and the farewell visit to the grave. Being present for Ray’s tribute allowed me to entertain the idea that death isn’t just about grieving and loss. It is also about the celebration of one’s life.
Why all these thoughts on my birthday? Well, I am thinking a lot about my mom today. For some reason, I am experiencing the feelings she must have had when I was born. That’s a pretty amazing feeling to have about myself. I don’t tend to think about myself that way. My view of me is from my own critical perspective the majority of the time. Not how someone else feels about me. You see, my mom was 42 years old when she had me. I am pretty certain that she was thinking that I was her last chance at having a child. She was also nervous throughout her entire pregnancy after having lost Michelle, my older sister. There had to have been joy and tears when Jennifer Ann was born a healthy 9 pound baby.
In the absence of my mom today, feeling her joy about my birth fills the void a bit. It also makes me appreciate this life I have been given.
Thank you my dear mom for this life of mine. Thank you for the unconditional love I feel around me today and always.

Genealogy, the Hot New Topic on Television

In the past 2 days, I have learned about two new television programs that deal with ancestry and genealogy. One program, Faces of America, is a PBS series that features Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Gates interviews 12 renowned Americans who ancestral stories are researched and shared on the series. I saw the first episode last night and I can see I am going to be busy on Wednesday evenings for a while!

The other program which I am less familiar with is on NBC and it's called, Who Do You Think You Are? This program appears to have a partnership with Ancestry.com, a genealogy service I used when I first started my research 3 years ago.

I am looking forward to watching both programs, and I can tell you that watching the first episode of Faces of America last night rekindled the passion I first felt when I started this ancestral journey 3 years ago.

My StoryCorps Experience

Kathy and I at the StoryCorps Story Booth in NYC.

Some of you have asked me on Facebook about my experience at StoryCorps this weekend. I have a one word response: Wonderful!

Now that I have done it myself, I am going to encourage you all to participate in this initiative because I feel even more strongly about StoryCorps now. Your story is just as important as the person next to you, so there is no reason why you shouldn't get involved too. I decided to tell my story because a colleague encouraged me to do so. While I was an avid listener of StoryCorps, it never occurred to me that I could also participate. Thankfully my colleague was there to encourage me.

The StoryCorps story booth is located in Foley Square above City Hall Park in downtown Manhattan. Kathy and I arrived a few minutes early so we could take some pictures outside the booth in front of the glass windows. We then entered the booth to find our facilitator, John, who accomodated us and told us about the process for our 60 minute appointment. The room in which the recording is completed is tiny, but the lighting makes it cozy and comfortable. The storyteller talks for about 40 minutes total, and then there is time for pictures at the end of the session.

I am glad that StoryCorps records a copy of the session for participants. Honestly, I don't remember how my story came out, I just know it did because Kathy knew the right questions to ask me. I seemed to have entered some other dimension once the storytelling started. I remember when John did the sound check and he asked us to tell him what we had for breakfast. I said, "Scrambled eggs with melted cheese and a cappuccino. With lactaid." After that point when the storytelling started, I remember talking a lot. As someone who usually does a lot of listening, it felt really good to be in the seat of the storyteller this time.

Thank you, Kathy, for being with me on this special occasion. And thank you for being such a positive force in my life. I am fortunate to have you as a friend.

Thank you, John, for being a great facilitator. You made us feel at home and comfortable in your presence.